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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27991641">francis forever</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bothsexuals/pseuds/bothsexuals'>bothsexuals</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Community (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Songfic, introspection and shit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:15:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>645</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27991641</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bothsexuals/pseuds/bothsexuals</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sad little Troy-is-heartbroken-after-leaving songfic set to Mitski's "Francis Forever."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Troy Barnes/Abed Nadir</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>francis forever</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>You're welcome, and I'm sorry.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>I don’t know what to do without you, I don’t know where to put my hands.</em>
</p>
<p>Turns out trips around the world suck when you leave behind the love of your life for them. Turns out the goal of finding yourself is pretty unottainable when you leave behind the only person who made you feel like you were someone. Turns out it’s pretty fucking lonely to leave your best friend behind—who you just so happen to be in love with—and leave him heartbroken, no less.   </p>
<p>
  <em>I’ve been trying to lay my head down, but I’m writing this at three a.m.</em>
</p>
<p>Turns out sleep doesn’t really come easy on a boat in the middle of the ocean, Troy doesn’t even want to know how many miles away from Abed. And turns out confessing your love to your best friend is easier when you write it down at three a.m. in a letter you’ll probably never send. </p>
<p>
  <em>I don’t need the world to see that I’ve been the best I can be.</em>
</p>
<p>He needs to find himself—that’s what he told everyone. That’s what he told himself. But does he? Why did he let everyone convince him that he still has himself to find, just because they don’t like who he is? He wasn’t consumed by his relationship with Abed, he was improved by it. He’s learned how to love, how to enjoy life, how to not be scared of being weird—of being himself—because of him, and he’s fallen in love along the way. Thinking back on it, he doesn’t think there could be a better version of Troy Barnes than the one that existed by Abed’s side.</p>
<p>
  <em>But I don’t think I could stand to be where you don’t see me. </em>
</p>
<p>What he knows for sure is that this is unbearable. Being away from Abed is unbearable. He doesn’t miss much else. He thought he’d miss more—people, TV, social media, burger joints… But no, he can live without all that. What he can’t stand is being away from Abed.  </p>
<p>
  <em>On sunny days I go out walking, I end up on a tree-lined street. </em>
</p>
<p>Don’t get him wrong, this is great. He’s seeing the world, he’s seeing amazing things. Monuments, landscapes, people… </p>
<p>
  <em>I look up at the gaps of sunlight.</em>
</p>
<p>The world is full of beauty, okay, he knows that. He knows he’s lucky to be able to look up at the gaps of sunlight in the middle of a wood in Italy and see the way the light and colours meld together, the gorgeous shapes they create in his eyes. </p>
<p>
  <em>I miss you more than anything. </em>
</p>
<p>But Abed isn’t there. And all the beauty gets sucked away in a moment, because Abed isn’t there. </p>
<p>
  <em>I don’t need the world to see that I’ve been the best I can be. But I don’t think I could stand to be where you don’t see me. </em>
</p>
<p>He let everyone get in his head. He let <em>Pierce</em> get in his head, even from beyond the grave. He was wrong. He doesn’t need to find himself, he already has. He just needs to get back to Abed. </p>
<p>
  <em>And autumn comes when you’re not yet done with the summer passing by. </em>
</p>
<p>But months pass and he doesn’t go back, because he has to finish this or he’ll disappoint everyone. Because he promised his parents, Shirley, even Britta that he’d split the money with them, and he may be okay with giving that up, but why should they? And before he knows it it’s been a year, an entire cycle of seasons without Abed. </p>
<p>
  <em>But I don’t think I could stand to be where you don’t see me. </em>
</p>
<p>And instead of finding himself, he thinks he’s losing himself a little more everyday. Because who the hell is Troy Barnes, if Abed Nadir isn’t by his side?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>:D</p></blockquote></div></div>
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